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- Aviation Dictionary
-
- 180-Degree Turn - A sometimes difficult maneuver to perform;
the
- degree of difficulty is usually determined by the size of the pilot's ego.
-
- A & P. Rating - Enables you to fly grocery supplies.
-
- Aero - That portion of the atmosphere that lies over Great
Britain.
-
- Aerodrome - British word for airport. Exactly what you'd
expect from
- a country that gives its airplanes names like Gypsy Moth, Slingsby Dart,
- and Fairey Battle Bomber.
-
- Aileron - A hinged control surface on the wing that scares
the hell
- out of airline passengers when it moves.
-
- Airfoils - Swords used for dueling in flight. Often used to
settle disputes
- between crew members and passengers.
-
- Airplane - The infernal machine invented by two bicycle
mechanics
- from Dayton, Ohio and perfected on the sands of the Outer Banks of
- Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Precursor of the Frisbee.
-
- Airspeed -
- 1. The speed of an airplane through the air.
- 2. True airspeed plus 20% when talking with other pilots. Deduct
- 25% when listening to a Navy aviator.
- 3. Measured in furlongs-per-fortnight in student aircraft.
-
- Air Traffic Control Center - A drafty, ill-kept, barn-like
structure
- in which people congregate for dubious reasons.
-
- Alternate Airport - The airport that no aircraft has
sufficient fuel
- to proceed to if necessary.
-
- Bail Out - Dipping the water out of the cabin after a heavy
rainstorm.
-
- Barrel Roll - Unloading the beer for a hangar party.
-
- Caging the Gyro - Not too difficult with domestic species.
-
- Carburetor Ice - Phrase used when reporting a forced landing
caused
- by running out of fuel.
-
- Cessna 310 - More than the sum of two Cessna 150's.
-
- Chart -
- 1. Large piece of paper, useful for protecting cockpit surfaces from
- food and beverage stains.
- 2. An aeronautical map that provides interesting patterns for the
- manufacturers of children's curtains.
-
- Chock -
- 1. Sudden and usually unpleasant surprise suffered by Mexican pilots.
- 2. Piece of wood the line boy slips in front of wheel while pilot is
- not looking.
-
- Cockpit -
- 1. A confined space in which two chickens fight each other,
- especially when they can't find the airport in a rainstorm.
- 2. Area in which the pilot sits while attempting to figure out where he
- is.
-
- Collision - Unplanned contact between one aircraft and
another. As a
- rule, collisions that result in the creation of several smaller and less
- airworthy aircraft from the original two are thought to be the most
serious.
-
- De-icer - De person dat puts de ice on de wing.
-
- Dive - Pilots' lounge or airport cafe.
-
- Engine Failure - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks
become
- filled with air.
-
- Exceptional Flying Ability - Has equal number of takeoffs
and landings.
-
- Fast - Describes the speed of any high-performance aircraft.
Lower-
- performance and training aircraft are described as "half-fast."
-
- Final Approach -
- 1. Many a seasoned pilot's last landing.
- 2. Many a student pilot's first landing.
-
- Flashlight - Tubular metal container kept in flight bag for
storing
- dead batteries.
-
- Flight Instructor - Individual of dubious reputation, paid
vast sums of
- money
- to impart knowledge of questionable value and cast serious doubt on the
- coordination, intelligence, and ancestry of student pilots.
-
- Flight Plan - Scheme to get away from home to go flying.
-
- Glider - Formerly "airplane," prior to running out
of fuel.
-
- Gross Weight -
- 1. A 350-pound pilot (also see "Split S").
- 2. Maximum permissible takeoff weight plus two suitcases, 10 cans of
- oil, four sleeping bags, four rifles, eight cases of beer, and the
- groceries.
-
- Hangar - Home for anything that flies, mostly birds.
-
- Heated Air Mass - Usually found near hangar, flight lounge,
airport
- cafe, or attractive, non-flying members of the opposite sex.
-
- Jet-assisted Takeoff - A rapid-takeoff procedure used by a
general
- aviation pilot who suddenly finds himself taking off on a runway directly
in
- front of a departing 747.
-
- Junkers 52 - A collection of elderly airplanes that even the
FAA
- can't make airworthy.
-
- Lazy 8 -
- 1. Well-known fly-in resort ranch.
- 2. The airport operator, his four mechanics, and three line
boys.
-
- Log - A small rectangular notebook used by pilots to record
lies.
-
- Motor - A word used by Englishmen and student pilots when
referring
- to an aircraft engine. (also see "Aerodrome")
-
- Navigation - The process by which a pilot finds his way from
point A
- to point B while actually trying to get to point C.
-
- Occupied - An airline term for lavatory.
-
- Oshkosh - A town in Wisconsin that is the site of the annual
Experimental
- Aircraft Association fly-in. It is believed to have been named after the
- sound that most experimental aircraft engines make.
-
- Pilot - A poor, misguided soul who talks about women when
he's flying
- and flying when he's with a woman.
-
- Pitch - The story you give your wife about needing an
airplane to use
- in your business.
-
- Radar - An extremely realistic type of video game, often
found at airports.
- Players try to send small game-pieces, called "blips," from one
side of
- the screen to without colliding with each other. Player with the fewest
- collisions wins.
-
- Roger - The most popular name in radio.
-
- S-turn - Course flown by student pilot from point A to point
B.
-
- Short-field Takeoff - A takeoff from any field less than
10,000 feet long.
-
- Split S - What happens to the pants of overweight pilots
(also see
- "Gross Weight").
-
- Trim Tab -
- 1. A device that can fly an airplane better than the pilot.
- 2. Popular diet beverage for fat pilots (also see "Gross
Weight").
-
- Useful Load - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, without
regard to
- cargo weight.
-
- Wilco - Roger's brother, the nerd.
-
- Wing strut - Peculiar, ritualistic walk performed by student
pilots
- upon getting out of low-winged trainers following first flight performed
- without instructor yelling at them. Usually results in instructor yelling
- at them.
- Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to
- avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills.
-
- Rule one: No matter what else happens, fly the airplane. Forget all that
- stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an airplane flies because
- of money.
-
- It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there
- wishing you were down here.
-
- An airplane will probably fly a little bit over gross but it sure
- won't fly without fuel.
-
- Think ahead of your airplane. I'd rather be lucky than good.
-
- The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the
pilot
- cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out
- into a sweat.
-
- If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing
- lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em
- back off.
-
- A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting
- but still be long enough to cover everything.
-
- Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided
- with the sky.
-
- Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
- Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five
- minutes earlier.
-
- Don't drop the aircraft in order to fly the microphone.
-
- An airplane flies because of a principle discovered by Bernoulli, not
- Marconi.
-
- Pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the
- microphone.
-
- If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the
- stick back they get smaller.
-
- Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
-
- The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
-
- Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man....Landing is the first!
-
- Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one
- from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great
- landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
-
- The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
-
- IFR: I Follow Roads.
-
- You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to
taxi.
-
- I had a fighter pilot's breakfast - two aspirin, a cup of coffee and a
puke.
-
- Those who hoot with the owls by night, should not fly with the eagles by
- day.
-
- A smooth touchdown in a simulator is about as exciting as kissing
- your sister.
-
- A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round
- and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become
- random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly - they're just so ugly that
- the earth immediately repels them!
-
- Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
- all of them yourself.
-
- Things which do you no good in aviation:
- Altitude above you.
- Runway behind you.
- Fuel in the truck
- Half a second ago.
- Approach plates in the car.
- The airspeed you don't have.
-
- If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
-
- What's the difference between God and pilots? God doesn't think he's
- a pilot.
-
- Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
-
- Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a
- boy, but not for one who still is.
-
- There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company
- way and the captain's way. Only one counts.
-
- A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
-
- Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fireplug
- what it thinks about dogs.
-
- Trust your captain .... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
-
- An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.
-
- Any pilot who relies on a terminal forecast can be sold the Brooklyn
- Bridge.
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